to be…

a poem by
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The particularly difficult thing for me to comprehend as I get older is that I will not be...

Not that I will die, that's easy because there is nothing to comprehend.

Once you are dead, the comprehension game is over.

So, when I say, " I will not be..."  

I am speaking to the idea that will not be the infinite possibilities of me.

I will be one unique possibility.

All successes and failures will not be based on what could have been

Rather they are a function of what I do with the possibility, now.

Right now.

Almost to the tune of I should be typing this, and I need to get to work.

The fun part, for me, is...

This is my work.

I spent a lot of time ruminating on what could have been in a subtle insidious way.

Innocent daydreams about another life of fame fortune

If only I had, but I did not and I was okay with the "I did not"

Pleasing passing thoughts about the bullets I have dodged (both literal and figurative)

Analyzing people based on past experiences and categorizing based on responses

- Hell...

That's half of the job function -

Fifty percent of how I make my living is based on my ability to drudge through my past and exact thee rule.

You know, Precision.

I can count on all of the hands how many times I have said, "but last time it worked perfectly"

...or "it was working perfectly fine, and then - nothing"

In much the same way the question is not, "What did you do?"

The question is, "What are you going to do, now?"

Moreover, the idea is not, "Who you were."

The idea is, "Who are you going to be... Now."

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